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Best Spuds: Martian Etiquette and Communication Training Module
Best Spuds is a POTATO[1] intended to train a TATER[2] for socially appropriate conduct on meeting a FRIendly exTra-TERrestrial (FRITTER) for the first time, and for the calibration of the Portable Equipment for Extra-terrestrial LanguagE Recognition (PEELER). In the vicinity of a communicative FRITTER, a PEELER recognises which of the diverse Martian languages is being “spoken”, translates it to the TATER’s preferred Terran language, and prints it on a screen. Naturally, a PEELER must be calibrated every time a new FRITTER is encountered. For completeness of the training module, a sample PEELER, set to print in English when fully calibrated, is provided as part of the Best Spuds POTATO, along with a “frittequin”, a realistic model of a FRITTER.
HOW TO PLAY:
If a TATER has rushed through the process, the PEELER demands more notes than usual to be matched. This feature has been programmed into all PEELERs to ensure that TATERs spend the time it takes to get to know any FRITTER, and do not make a rash impression.
If a TATER is slow to establish contact with each FRITTER on a Martian excursion, they are likely to run out of oxygen at some point. To pre-empt this, TATERs may practice while aboard the enormous rocket, using the simulated oxygen level displayed on the PEELER dial. The POTATO entertains no interaction beyond a minute after the offering of the TOT. It resets, and returns the TOT, as soon as the simulated oxygen supply runs out.
Best Spuds is a POTATO[1] intended to train a TATER[2] for socially appropriate conduct on meeting a FRIendly exTra-TERrestrial (FRITTER) for the first time, and for the calibration of the Portable Equipment for Extra-terrestrial LanguagE Recognition (PEELER). In the vicinity of a communicative FRITTER, a PEELER recognises which of the diverse Martian languages is being “spoken”, translates it to the TATER’s preferred Terran language, and prints it on a screen. Naturally, a PEELER must be calibrated every time a new FRITTER is encountered. For completeness of the training module, a sample PEELER, set to print in English when fully calibrated, is provided as part of the Best Spuds POTATO, along with a “frittequin”, a realistic model of a FRITTER.
HOW TO PLAY:
- TOT: The TATER is welcomed to greet the FRITTER by offering a TOT. The training begins only when a TOT is correctly inserted into the mouth of the model FRITTER.
- WAVE: The FRITTER expresses delight and becomes receptive. However, they are unaware that the visitor intends to start a conversation. It turns out that the upper FRITTER eye has evolved primarily for expression, while the lower (smaller) one is more sensitive to the environment. The TATER must wave to the FRITTER by way of an introduction. The POTATO responds only to a wave near the lower eye, approximating the correct Martian style.
- TOUCH: In response to the wave, the FRITTER politely extends their top left tentacle. The TATER must reciprocate by touching it with the index fingertip of their right hand. A white glow marks the establishment of understanding on the part of the FRITTER, who withdraws the tentacle and begins to transmit messages, hoping that the PEELER will soon bridge the gap at the TATER’s end.
- CALIBRATION: The PEELER prints gibberish and the FRITTER begins to make a sound to help the TATER calibrate it. At regular intervals, the FRITTER becomes silent and the PEELER emits a sound instead. The TATER must turn the PEELER knob to make it match pitch with the FRITTER, and then push the button on the PEELER.
- If the pitches do not match (up to the correct octave), the FRITTER’s upper eye remains red in disappointment, and it persists in singing the same note.
- If the pitches do match, the FRITTER’s upper eye lights up green in encouragement, and it moves on to a new note.
- SUCCESS: Once the PEELER is calibrated, the FRITTER sings a celebratory song, and its upper eye flashes green in excitement. The TOT is ejected unaltered by the POTATO; a TATER actually exploring Mars is advised to carry more than one TOT, as a real FRITTER will digest the TOT. TOTs are a delicacy on Mars due to traces of non-ferrous content.
If a TATER has rushed through the process, the PEELER demands more notes than usual to be matched. This feature has been programmed into all PEELERs to ensure that TATERs spend the time it takes to get to know any FRITTER, and do not make a rash impression.
If a TATER is slow to establish contact with each FRITTER on a Martian excursion, they are likely to run out of oxygen at some point. To pre-empt this, TATERs may practice while aboard the enormous rocket, using the simulated oxygen level displayed on the PEELER dial. The POTATO entertains no interaction beyond a minute after the offering of the TOT. It resets, and returns the TOT, as soon as the simulated oxygen supply runs out.
[1] Portable Off-world Training And entertainmenT Object
[2] Terrans Aboard The Enormous Rocket |